Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Hurry Up and Wait

It has been forever. I know. I would apologize, but I haven't felt very inspired to write over here and frankly, I would rather just wait until inspired than to fill this blog with mindless drivel just for the sake of posting something.

The talk lately is of resolutions. What do you want to accomplish? What do you want to do differently? Who do you want to be? It's a fresh opportunity to start over, you know.

I hate new year's resolutions. I think I just hate the principle of them. Why not change because we truly feel a need to change? Why does a new year bring about a reason to change? Maybe that's why I'm not very good at keeping resolutions.

And I'm not very good with making changes.

Don't get me wrong. I make them frequently. My problem lies more in sticking with them.

You see, I'm easily influenced. Give me a good emotional story, a good heart-warming tale, a good fuzzy memory, and I'm likely to buy whatever you're selling me. This is evident in the fact that we own a timeshare that we're currently trying to sell.

Too often I hear pleas to help somewhere or do something different. I hear stories that inspire me to want to be a better person. I jump on the emotional bandwagon and then when the newness wears off, I feel disappointed and ashamed that I no longer want to work for this goal...especially when I can see that it truly is a worthy cause or a wise goal.

Then I begin to wonder if it was me that God was speaking to or did I just assume that? If God did speak to me, am I now letting Him down by falling away from it? What does He want from me?

And you know...I'm just not sure.

Sure I know I'm supposed to be a good wife and helpmate for Chip. Yes, I know I am to bring up my children in the ways of the Lord. Those are "givens." What else does He want me to do?

Volunteer for children's ministry? Did that...liked it...but it doesn't seem to fit into our life right now. Write on this blog? Did that...liked it...haven't felt like I've had much to say in a while. Sign up for a women's Bible study? Did that...liked it...can't seem to get into the groove again though.

What is it that God wants from me? I have no idea. That's my problem. I really need to be still and listen. So that is my goal for now...to wait on Him. To see what He opens up for me. To rely on Him to establish the timing for what He needs me to do. To hopefully grow in Him more than I dreamed possible.

Until then, I'll be waiting I guess.

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